"it" just moved
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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