so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
