So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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