We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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