i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
