Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Michael Bay diarrhea
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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