so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
