I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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