the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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