It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize