I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
