so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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