I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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