i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there is glitter all over my balls
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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