Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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