what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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