I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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