i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
