why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
