hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
