My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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