just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone signed my nipple.
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