are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
