Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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