It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
