I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
