it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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