Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
