So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
