yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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