whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize