a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So squirting runs in the family.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
