Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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