I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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