I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
