But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
