I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
