How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
