I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
