I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
