If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
