i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
