Nicole vs. Life
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
