Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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