I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't trust your balls anymore.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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