btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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