I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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