Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
