She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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