I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
