I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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