I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
