I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
