i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize