My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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