Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
