Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
