i need an iv and a liver transplant
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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