If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
