I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
