Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize