The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
