so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
