What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
