and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
