R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
