and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize