D3 body, D1 cock
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My penis needs a shock collar
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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