Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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