Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
