Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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