if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
