this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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