Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
