Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
