Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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