just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
