I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize