The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
