Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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