You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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