two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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