Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize