I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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