the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
