this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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