I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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