You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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