Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
