Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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