Please, let me fuck your mom
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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