I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
