that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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