Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
