In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want her autograph on my taint
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize