No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize