How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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