you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
