Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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