Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize